home

I'm at home and it feels good.

How funky's this..?

A story told via google maps..

When dreams are lost

..then what is left?

I've come to realise that much of what ails me stems from broken or lost dreams, hopes and aspirations that weren't to be.. For an idealist and dreamer like me it makes a whole lot of sense that this would hurt, and it truly is painful when some wonderful idea bursts. I've done much thinking over the last months, and some things are starting to shift into place, or at least settle down enough for me to get, if not a hold, then at least a good, long look at them.

We're talking the big ones here. Who I am, what I want, what I can give, what's important, who are important. I have no answers yet, but one tiny step at a time I inch forward.

"Nothing is good or bad but thinking makes it so."

William Shakespeare

Hm. true?

Update

I write this on my new macbook pro, which is absolutely wonderful. I must say, my apple-wares do provide me with more pleasure than my older, worn-out laptop.

I've really made an effort with my running this week, and it just seems to be getting easier and easier for me to run at the speed I want to, and even to go a bit further than I have been doing. Feels great, and I feel confident I'll reach my 90km goal this month. Since Monday I have run 27km already, and I will go out at least once more during the weekend. I'm now consistently running at less than 5 minutes/km, no matter how far I run. I've not run farther than 10km at one time, but I think I'm going to expand on that sometime soon.

Ever since my mom commented on all my running and said that maybe I should be doing something for my upper body as well I have been tormented by the image of myself with bulging calfs and thighs, and with a scrawny set of stick arms. I don't know what to do about it though. I'm considering some yoga perhaps? The stretching might be good for my weary legs too. Any training thoughts and suggestions are welcomed!

I'm going home for Thanksgiving next Wednesday, and am really looking forward to some TLC in the family home, not to mention the amazing food. It's been around half a year since I was home last, and although my brothers have visited, and my parents ditto recently, I just feel a bit out of touch. Particularly with my friends. I find I'm a lot less inclined to email or text when things are not flowing easily, and I haven't exactly been following the textbook example of how-to-do-a-career lately, or been feeling great. Actually I've been rather confused (and continue to be so, albeit to a lesser degree these days).

The London Jazz Festival is on at the mo, and I'm just about to head down to the Southbank Centre to hear one of the free acts there. It sounds really good in the leaflet, so I'm hoping it will be. Tomorrow I'm going to another free gig, which is more of a bossanova and samba sound. I love London!

Take care you guys. Thinking of you all. Err, both.

A girl and her mom

Waiting at the bus stop one day not too long ago a woman arrived with her daughter in tow, perhaps 8-9-10 years old and wrapped in hat, scarf and winter coat and lugging what looked like a heavy little backpack and a gym bag. The mom was carrying three other bags (backpack, two cotton bags) and looked slightly stressed. After a while of discussions on what was or was not in one of the bags, the girls went back to where they had come from to retrieve said item. Arriving back lugging all the bags, the mother discussed their upcoming commitments and remembered that "your father", i.e. the girl's dad, hadn't filled in a second copy of a form for the girl's school. So, she pulled out her mobile, entered her (apparently) ex-lover's phone number and said, "You call your dad, and tell him that he should have filled it out a looong time ago! He never does what he has to, he is so irresponsible.".

This in itself made me uncomfortable, but the ensuing conversation, in which a young girl was made an instrument in her mother's poor communication with someone she had chosen to create a child with made me want to slap the mother. She told her exactly what to say, speaking the next point to make while the girl was speaking. The girl is becoming equipped be a very talented PA one day: multitasking, filtering information and dealing with a rubbish boss who makes unreasonable demands on her.

That a mother can be so insensitive to the effect her actions may have on the well-being of her own child is beyond me. Some people need to grow up and take responsibilities, and it's not the girl in this story.

Finally getting onto their bus the girl offered to carry one of the backpacks in addition to her gym bag. The mom responded, "No, no, that's fine darling, it's fine. I'm used to carrying all this stuff". You sure are. And so is your daughter. "Are you sure mom? I can, I really can take it!".

Yay!

80km in a month - this is great! Next month's challenge is 90km.. My strategy of adding 10km per month is working at the moment, even with being sick and downsizing in September, but I wonder when I'll hit a max. Soon, perhaps?

Thank you London

As I have given up my job I have taken up going to lectures. London hosts an abundance of free lectures every evening at universities, and so far I've at LSE heard distinguished lecturers speak on the subjects of climate change, the sociology of space and global health. I've decided to review the lectures I go to - to help me remember (which is pretty much a necessity!) and to spread the word.

David King spoke on the interrelated challenges the world faces. Population increases (the world's population is projected to be 9 billion in 2050, a 50% growth from current levels) will put pressure on energy security and supply, water resources, health and education, conflict and terror, biodiversity, food production and factors influencing climate change. These are all closely related, as for example an increased population will need more food, there will be less land to produce it on, which will lead to conflicts over water/land/food resources.

The US's choice to use food produce for bio-fuel has already had a considerable global effect in that there is less food available for global food aid, i.e. people are starving that were previously recipients of maize and other crops. Another example was the unwillingness to accept GM rice that can withstand being submerged for up to 3 weeks ("normal" rice can only survive about 6-7 days). The slower, traditional gene-enhancing selective purification has taken 18 years, whereas he postulated that GM could have yielded the same result in just 2 years.

His main points seem to be that science should be used intelligently to solve the global problems mentioned above through focused scientific development, and that regulation and government leadership is imperative to ensure development and innovation. Finally, "the most important change needed is a mental and ideological change" regarding the acceptance and use of science to ensure human life and comfort. His focus on scientific advances as the crux of development and decisions is perhaps a bit questionable, but nevertheless an interesting and challenging position.

Next lecture was Robert Sampson from Harvard speaking on the sociology of spaces, and how perceptions on places are shaped by the degree to which places are (un-)kept/disordered (which is a fairly common conception) and also by the influence of demographics and poverty levels. These factors determine not just the current situation, but also the future through a perceived understanding of the place. It may sound banal, but the way a place is perceived has a strong influence on the development of that place over long periods of time. (I can't find my notes from this one, so I might plump this review up when I locate my notebook!)

Tonight I intended to go to a lecture on urban spaces and representation of social issues through the media of film. It was however cancelled, and instead a random selection landed on another lecture, this one on global health inequalities. It was really interesting and with a great lecturer, Michael Marmot, who's at the forefront of his field (he lead the WHO Commission on Social Determinants on Health).

He showed through a variety of research that health inequality (or inequity, as he called it) is closely related to the economical situation of the population being examined. Furthermore, the economical situation is (as you would expect) closely linked to educational achievements. He gave the example of how medical advances had over a number of years saved 180.000 lives in the US. Educational improvements in the same period and context held the potential to save 1.4 mio. lives.

He said that it had been suggested that this cause, improving the living conditions and health of the world's poor, would be heard more if it was possible to quantify the benefits of improving the education/economy/health of vulnerable communities. His response was in that situation to say that social justice, fairness and empowerment of people should be enough of a reason. I really respect him for this, and wish that more people would accept and value human decency to a further extent than what is currently the case. Politicians rarely make any decisions that don't (presumably) lead to improvements to the economy. But is it not more important to consider the quality of life of people, and to rethink our current infatuation with the "development-is-good mantra"?

An investment of 100 billion USD could give 1 billion people living in slums running water, cooking facilities and toilet facilities, improving their quality of life immensely and reducing the health and economic inequalities (by freeing up time spent queuing for water, less people sharing toilets, etc). This is generally considered an unrealistic pipe-dream of well-wishing do-gooders. In contrast 900 billion USD has just been pumped into failing banks.

I find it interesting that all three lectures focused on the way we perceive the world as important to the development. Again, it seems banal, but these guys, who are all important in their field, stress it, so I don't feel too stupid repeating it.
Positive change is not impossible, it's simply a question of will. Idealist as I am (and I'm actually a bit proud of my "slightly" naive outlook on life in this regard) I believe that it is possible for all of us to make a difference. Things only stay the same as long as we stay the same.

I intend to keep it up. In particular I hope to maintain the statistics of hitting a free reception after 2 out of 3 lectures.

Hibernation

Snow is falling over London town tonight. I didn't believe it at first; it was raining heavily as I worked my way home. Now, large snow flakes drop silently to the ground (bar one, which landed on my hand and was imbibed), and what seems a grey mass obscures my view. Surprising as it is, it somehow seems appropriate, having just turned back the clocks in accordance with the cultural construct of "daylight savings".

It suits my mindset fairly well. I think it's time to pull the covers over my head for some numbing sleep. Perhaps a full 6 months or so?

Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die,
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams.
For if dreams go,
Life is a barren field
Covered with snow.

Langston Hughes

Americans in the world

As a Dane growing up primarily in Denmark who also holds American citizenship I have always been inundated with comments and opinions on "how/what/who Americans are". When I was a kid I had to tell other kids from my class that what they saw in 90210, Saved by the Bell and all those other television series was not directly transferable to understanding who Americans are, what they stand for or how they live.

I grew up in a liberal, tolerant and understanding family. The values my family and I myself hold dear are equality in opportunities, obligations and rights for all, fairness, care for society's vulnerable and above all tolerance of people with different opinions, faith, nationality. Tolerance does not incur acceptance of wild postulates, it means accepting people's right to hold those opinions. If I disagree, however, with someone holding a different opinion to myself, I will question them and probe their claim. Not in a run to discredit them but to understand their position, and to see how they build their case and why it falls out differently to my understanding of the issue. I will most definitely offer my view on the case and hope to develop both parties' understanding. Dialogue is the way to go. And if a common understanding can't be reached, then let's at least agree to disagree on good terms.

You see, I prefer discussion and searching for an understanding of the truth over a claim deemed to be infallible, the ultimate truth. The truth is, I think, an ever evolving instance of understanding aspects of the issue at hand and linking and analysing them.

You cannot generalise a population of 300 million into a single category. Or into two, or five or ten. I understand the simplification processes that we all use to get a handle on the world, but as an American, I can't accept people calling us racists, haters, or egocentrics, the world's police, etc. And ton another note, I can't accept people wanting to kill Danish people for the execution of acts allowed under Danish law within Danish territory, but that is indeed another story.

I certainly do not agree with the policies that have flowed from the White House through the last 8 years, and I have in fact at times been embarrassed to admit that I am American. But does that not go to show you that there are great differences, levels of acceptance and tolerance within a group of people whom a large amount of the world holds little more than contempt for? My whole family is staunchly Democratic (both Danish and American sides), and I do think that one of my cousins is on the way to becoming a politician (he doesn't know this yet, shh!).

What makes this whole situation even more painful is that people making the most ruthless and hurtful claims are often the least educated, or ones that hold knowledge stemming from a singular base. How will you ever understand the values of a Democrat if you don't listen and take in what's being said? How will the Western world ever understand the areas of different ideologies if they don't engage in a real and tolerant conversation with them? The same goes for the apparent deafness created by hatred some Muslims and Muslim countries hold against America and other Christian nations. (Let me just interject the facts that I am not at all religious, and that I have friends of a variety of faiths, including Muslims).

When I was a kid and my classmates made claims to "understanding" that Americans are all airheads like Donna and Kelly from Beverly Hills 90210, or have dysfunctional family relations like in Married with Children, I tried to inform them that not all Americans are like that.

As an adult I feel the need to make this same claim once more, but in a much more serious situation and to a different audience. Not all people are like the low-educated, lowest common denominator, biased, racist and obviously ignorant qualities being exhibited at Republican voter rallies, volunteer meetings and on Republican blogs and websites.

Not all Americans feel the need to re-ignite a racist and religion-based war on "people who are different to us". So, as a an American, allow me to apologise for the racist insinuations made by the would-be-VP in the horrible case that Mr. McCain should win the current election. And bear with people voting for this pair. Most have a low degree of education, very little understanding of the way the world works and think that only their own happiness and success is important.

Although I am American, I have never before voted in an American election, even though I disagree strongly with Mr. Bush and his advisers and one might say that I should have done so before. But now's the time to send a signal to America and to the World that a tolerant, educated and intelligent man who deals in facts instead of playing on emotions of fear should take his rightful place in the White House. The fact that he is fairly young for a politician in his position, a Democrat, and that he is of mixed race just makes my choice even easier.

getting all worked up...

and along comes this extremely competent word smith and sums up all that I feel on the subject: Mrs. Palin.

So. 28.

I apologise in advance for the soggyness of this post; however most of you will know that this is what happens to me when left to my own devices. I turn pensive and grateful. And loud about it.

Long gone are the days were I would collect chestnuts in the large pleasure grounds north of Copenhagen with my childhood friend and build a city of chestnuts and matchsticks and animals to roam the streets.
Gone are the painful teenage years where fitting in and achievement seemed so important and was measured primarily in the number of guys you snogged.

And here I am in a (no longer so foreign) country, jobless (of my own accord, granted), and with a fairly uncertain future. And 28.

It's been a bumpy ride so far, with ups and downs, and there are few things I would have been without. One thing I have learned though, is to appreciate the nearness and caring of valued friends (and family members, who in effect are also friends), even when we are not physically near. I am lucky to have many people in my life who care and worry about me when I'm down, and who celebrate with me when things go well.

And for that I am thankful.

M

General downturn

As is dreadfully obvious from the tracker to the right (-->) I haven't been running lately. Actually for two whole weeks my running shoes have been resting further and further down in the pile of shoes by the door. I went for a little one today, after having been ill and staying home from work thursday afternoon and friday, sort of in defiance and to prove to myself that the general feeling of being slightly ill, and rather tired had been cured by resting for a couple of days. Not the case. I felt dizzy and ill after 2.4 km and had to rest for 15 minutes to get better again. This is rubbish, and I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.. Go figure.

I have been pushing myself pretty hard lately, I know, but I am adamant that my illness is not only due to this, I really feel it's a sickness. It's frustrating to feel sick and I really hope it goes away soon. I'm going to work tomorrow because I don't feel I can stay home with these mild symptoms any more. Silly? Proud? I just have so much to do at work and I want to finish the work I've commenced properly. I'm taking it slow though.

Two more weeks, that's ten days and counting.

Going batty, uh.. I mean dotty!

So. Here's a little taste of what I'm up to these days:



Presentation's tomorrow and I remarkably feel ok. I have LOADS to do still tonight, but I'm just working away. It makes such a big difference to be doing things for yourself not for some boss you don't really... well... like.

Post no. 102

So, I've been looking forward to my post number 100, but in the current frenzy of uni work apparently totally missed it a couple of days back. So here's me at work, in front of massive windows straight onto the street and loads of passersby eating a bagel with humous in celebration.

I have now reached the point where I can't NOT do anything anymore. I HAVE to, and hence, I am producing away. Never mind that I don't get the point of all of it, nor that I haven't prepared my presentation properly, I need material to pin up! At least if I do that they can't say I haven't done s***. I've acquired a key and can stay as long as I want. Which means I'll stay long. I think I'll even stay over on Thursday - there's a shower in the basement, so, hey! Oh yeah, presentation day is now Friday not Thursday. Man I can't wait for the weekend!

As you can see I have upped my running goal for September, ambitiously. As I right now have absolutely no life, I will already at the end of this week be massively behind. Bummer. I think I'll go out on Saturday after a good long night's sleep Friday.

Take care my two blog readers, and I hope to have the chance to see you each some time in the not to far off future, although, given a number of circumstances, it might be a while.

(Anyone else reading this blog than my nimble and graphically talented and friend in Denmark and my longlost sweet Asian friend in the far east - feel free to say hi and I'll include you in any future direct addresses!)

Study madness

So, I've a big presentation on Thursday and I'm getting a bit upset. It's hard to work full time and to study evenings, as I've been telling anyone who cares to know.. I'm no feeling the pinch and project a massive lack of sleep this week.

I've had a pain in my foot (a colleague meant to know that it's a strain caused by overworking it..), and have been laying low on the running and taking anti-inflammatory medicines to keep the pain down. It appears to have worked, and I on the last day of the month completed my 60km goal! Yay! Very satisfactory! My goal for September is 70km, so that should be doable if my foot acts as it should.

And now, back to being worried about uni.

Back into it

Running update:

After a week of feeling a bit wobbly, I'm back! No more tired muscles and nausea. I've run a 12 km total for today and yesterday - yay!

Today I went 7km, the farthest I have registered yet, although I think my trip to Finsbury Park last week was longer, it just didn't register properly with my new-found love, the nike+ gear. Anyway, it's an improvement, and I'm feeling more and more confident that my goal of 60km for August is doable (you can follow my progress in the little widget I've added on this page)!

It's actually a real satisfaction to have begun doing exercise again, and particularly the fact that this is a solo venture, it's something I am doing solely because I want to. Basketball is so easy to do sometimes, there are people waiting for me, I've made a commitment, it's what I've always done, etc. With this running deal, it's all about me and what I want to achieve, in terms of individual workouts and longer term goals such as getting back into a decent shape. Also trying to keep up in the challenges with other runners on the nike+ website is pretty 'inspiring', but that's another story :.)

Running was always such a chore when basketball was at its height, running around the 'lakes' in Copenhagen in rain and wind before a court training. I loathed it. Which makes it ever more surprising to actually be looking forward to going running now.

weather report

London is hot and oppressive. Humidity levels soaring and a pressure building behind my forehead as I keep pushing on.

This evening was sticky, heavy and sad. Unrelenting. The solitude of a 9th floor dwelling. Unusually, no voices on the street, just a darkening view of the city.

Unexpected bursts of light strike over the London skyline lit on an indigo sky from my window: Quick flashes of lightening, and within minutes the sky is the greyest of grey, thunder rumbling miles away, rolling through tunnels of skyscrapers, through the streets. Sharp lights getting more and more frequent on the back of that cover of pent-up magnetic power we have suffered these past days. The sky rips into milliseconds of white madness.



But where is the rain? Why do I still see all the iconic buildings so clearly, lit in their evening gowns? Where's the promised relief? I wait, not impatiently.

I fell the wind picking up, but no heavy clouds any where near. It would seem there's going to be no crescendo in North London tonight; the easterners are taking the brunt and the animation.

Lights flare, ever further east. The City of London is back to its old usual self; well known buildings lit in the now post-dusk sky, winking incessantly at me with a red eye.

run run run

I've started running, and what a hoot to be able to see your progress graphically.. A happy conjuncture of dissertation stress, a newly acquired gadget and having sat enough on my bum lately was "all" it took.

I'm happy to report that I've done 8,5km over the last couple of days as the beginning of a training programme I've set up. I'll let you know how I get on with it. So far It's been good, although I was very tired on the second to last km today. I always perk up in the end. Tomorrow I don't have a run, thank god, but I then on Saturday have a 6km trip coming up. Might take in Finsbury Park again; it was a good and exhausting trip up there last week.

US elections

Check out this hilarious video

And now this?!

Numbness is retreating in the summer sun.

What will be the end of it?

I guess it will end.

And all this before it even started.

Oh - and by the way..

I've quit.

anything but what i should do..

Today I have managed to clean up my laptop (i.e. delete accumulated crap, sort downloaded articles, move unnecessary but amusing pics from my desktop etc...), eat an abundance of Danish candy (own import!) and gaze out the window a fair few times. Plus text and call a number of people. Plus chat to my current stand-in flatmate.

I hope this is not how it'll be the next months.

I'd much rather be out and about.

Pooooor, poor, me. Sob.

I spoke with my flatmate who has relocated to our common native, strawberry sweet, 80s sunnies and summerdresses abundant country for the summer, but was back in London for a couple of business meetings.

After we had caught up on the last month's events and non-events (such as "no, he didn't call" and "no, I haven't done any work on my dissertation") on our indulgent blue couch, my flatmate proceeded to discuss her work situation. As anyone who knows me more than remotely will be aware of I am the type that relates to others by projecting their issues onto my on life, hoping to gain understanding of their situation and my own. She is working freelance with a number of companies while looking for a more standard job. I am looking to free myself from a more standard job to work with things that are true to my ideals and hopes. She is willing to relocate in pursuit of a great job (as am I, just for the record), and feels her time in transient London is approaching its end, she has done what she came for.

I am not sure that I have done what I came for. I have not completed my uni work (and as is clear from the above stated non-events I am not getting much closer to it either), I have a job in which I am learning numerous things (among others how to be a good, complacent worker in control of her emotion. I don't like it) but not the ones I want to deal with in my future career. I feel restricted by my choices, I want the freedom to pursue dreams. I'm confused. What dreams? I don't have any specific goals, I have notions and fuzzy ideas.

Opti-what?

Someone once said to me that he did not understand my optimism. Or rather, he could not understand how I could possibly continue to be an optimist. He couldn't live with the disappointments that inevitably follow.

I do get disappointed. I do get hurt, feel blue and sad, lonely and upset, but I wouldn't for anything give up the exhilaration and elation that I also get to feel at times. Granted, I realise that it will end, but at least I have that wonderful feeling for some time.

This time round I could feel that I was on the top for a long time, and began to anticipate the downturn. It doesn't make it any nicer, but at least I knew that it was happening.

Another of my tricky traits, I guess.

Had an experience the other day where I was encouraged to consider a number of those implications of religion on humans that I so enjoy reflecting upon. It's been ages since my little Asian friend has been around for me to discuss these things.

'Freeze!'

The grey skies outside my window nearly deterred me from actually leaving the flat, and a feeling of blandness kept me from any action. Not until I was 2½ hours late did something actually happen. I got up, grabbed my sweater, which serves as a coat sometimes, and finally heard the wellknown sound of the door slamming closed behind me in the empty stairwell. Time definately not on my side, I still walked slowly, with a blank mind, save for the images of a few people I passed on the street. I do that a lot these days, have a blank mind. It seems to help me to not have to deal with all those issues that would otherwise obscure sight of and the ability to deal with everyday life.

But it's a short-sighted thing to do, and I know it. It's been a long year, and this is not over.

Upside down you're turning me...

Just saw a lady with a pearl necklace and white shirt driving a cab and a guy sitting in the back wearing a football shirt and reading the newspaper. The world IS upside sometimes.

moods

It had been a perfectly normal day (that is, other than the fact that my desk buddy has been replaced by a new colleague, which is to be expected once in a while). I went to the cinema armed with tickets to a random movie a friend couldn't make, thinking that this would be a lovely evening - catch a flick and then zap on home, make dinner and just cosy up at home.

I didn't even check what screen the movie was on - everyone waving the a4 tickets were converging at a door marked "special screening", so I followed, sat down and settled in the deep, deep blue seats. The movie started, and vaguely remembering something like a cowboy on the add for the film thought that these black and white shots of couples kissing didn't quite match up. I was in the wrong cinema. I decided to give it a go (people kissing passionately in aesthetically pleasing b/w shots is alright), and the movie turned out to be about a new year's eve in LA, and a story revolving around two people (one with a newly broken and hurtful heart, the other on the emotional mend) randomly meeting and in a sweet, non-sticky manner, somehow helping each other with the places they are at. And showing love not as a rosy sweet-smelling situation of tender moments, but rather a painful and fleeting series of situations, consequences and occasionally pure moments. It was good. Funny. And I left feeling touched and disturbed in a way that thankfully more and more rarely sneaks up on me on the breeze.

So here I sit all in my lonesome, trying to put off something of which I am not yet aware.

Rites of passage.. or something.

You know those days, when everything just comes together, feelings feel the way they should, the soft breeze dances in your hair and time seems to stand still with reflections on what was, what wasn't and what never will be. And what will be.

Today was almost one of those. It started out that way, with amazing sunshine (and a little jogging trip), clouds of pink cherry petals on the trees and individual ones whirring to the ground, accummulating to create pink streams along the edges of the roads. Families walking their dogs, couples lying on the grass - everybody on the move in a most leisurely and content way.

I'm not sure if it was the setting or the fluctuating times we're all passing through, but a couple of brave and liberating acts down the road, things that should perhaps have remain unsaid have come to life, and the potential consequences are in a jarring contrast to the idyllic surroundings. A feeling of unrest remains with me yet, but the liberating kind, the one that can grow to become something beautiful, if given time to expand to its full potential.

The Idealist Champion

I know it's long, but bear with me...

With an ENFP score, I am an "Idealist":

"..passionately concerned with personal growth and development. Idealists strive to discover who they are and how they can become their best possible self -- always this quest for self-knowledge and self-improvement drives their imagination. And they want to help others make the journey. Idealists are naturally drawn to working with people, and whether in education or counseling, in social services or personnel work, in journalism or the ministry, they are gifted at helping others find their way in life, often inspiring them to grow as individuals and to fulfill their potentials.

Idealists are sure that friendly cooperation is the best way for people to achieve their goals. Conflict and confrontation upset them because they seem to put up angry barriers between people. Idealists dream of creating harmonious, even caring personal relations, and they have a unique talent for helping people get along with each other and work together for the good of all. Such interpersonal harmony might be a romantic ideal, but then Idealists are incurable romantics who prefer to focus on what might be, rather than what is. The real, practical world is only a starting place for Idealists; they believe that life is filled with possibilities waiting to be realized, rich with meanings calling out to be understood. This idea of a mystical or spiritual dimension to life, the "not visible" or the "not yet" that can only be known through intuition or by a leap of faith, is far more important to Idealists than the world of material things.

Highly ethical in their actions, Idealists hold themselves to a strict standard of personal integrity. They must be true to themselves and to others, and they can be quite hard on themselves when they are dishonest, or when they are false or insincere. More often, however, Idealists are the very soul of kindness. Particularly in their personal relationships, Idealists are without question filled with love and good will. They believe in giving of themselves to help others; they cherish a few warm, sensitive friendships; they strive for a special rapport with their children; and in marriage they wish to find a "soulmate," someone with whom they can bond emotionally and spiritually, sharing their deepest feelings and their complex inner worlds.

Idealists are relatively rare, making up no more than 15 to 20 percent of the population. But their ability to inspire people with their enthusiasm and their idealism has given them influence far beyond their numbers."

More to the point, I fall into the sub category of "Champion" (sounds cool!)

"Like the other Idealists, Champions are rather rare, say two or three percent of the population, but even more than the others they consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life. Champions have a wide range and variety of emotions, and a great passion for novelty. They see life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil, and they want to experience all the meaningful events and fascinating people in the world. The most outgoing of the Idealists, Champions often can't wait to tell others of their extraordinary experiences. Champions can be tireless in talking with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out. And usually this is not simple storytelling; Champions often speak (or write) in the hope of revealing some truth about human experience, or of motivating others with their powerful convictions. Their strong drive to speak out on issues and events, along with their boundless enthusiasm and natural talent with language, makes them the most vivacious and inspiring of all the types.

Fiercely individualistic, Champions strive toward a kind of personal authenticity, and this intention always to be themselves is usually quite attractive to others. At the same time, Champions have outstanding intuitive powers and can tell what is going on inside of others, reading hidden emotions and giving special significance to words or actions. In fact, Champions are constantly scanning the social environment, and no intriguing character or silent motive is likely to escape their attention. Far more than the other Idealists, Champions are keen and probing observers of the people around them, and are capable of intense concentration on another individual. Their attention is rarely passive or casual. On the contrary, Champions tend to be extra sensitive and alert, always ready for emergencies, always on the lookout for what's possible.

Champions are good with people and usually have a wide range of personal relationships. They are warm and full of energy with their friends. They are likable and at ease with colleagues, and handle their employees or students with great skill. They are good in public and on the telephone, and are so spontaneous and dramatic that others love to be in their company. Champions are positive, exuberant people, and often their confidence in the goodness of life and of human nature makes good things happen."

This, I feel, is spooky. Or, actually surprising, that answering 72 yes/no questions can hit that close to home.

Do you ever think about your fellow travellers?

Time spent on the bus going from A to B, every day, several times a day. Wasted, if it weren't for a rampant imagination. I have made it a recurring event to spend my bus rides contemplating what sort of people are on the bus, which, mind you, can be rather disturbing at times. This morning a woman with cropped black hair was standing next to me in a black and white Karen Millen dress, with bold rings on her fingers and a brown knee length lamb skin fur. She looked rather professional. As we turned a corner and the bus made its way across the canal, she sifted through her vibrating pocket and extracted a phone and proceeded to speak in a specific tone of voice: "Hello? Yes, I slept well, you? I kept thinking about you, and had this dream...".

A) Do you really want to share your dreams (which appeared to be of a rather personal nature) with the entire bus?
B) I thought you were a hard-core designer-ish woman.
C) Hmm.

Blonde girl on the back row. Keeps looking my way through her impeccably natural makeup in rosy tones, perfectly matching the sweet but cool floral scarf, which is wrapped into the neck of her coat. She's very beautiful. I'm not really into blond(e)s, I prefer a bit darker. I like her soft fringe and bob, she looks very Scandinavian. Does she realise that I'm from that part of the world too - have I done anything that might reveal it? I don't think so. Maybe she's just looking at her fellow passengers too.

homeless book

just found a book in the supermarket today, and although i felt a bit like a theif, a sticker on the front page said it was free, so i took it home with me.

it's a "bookcrossing.com" book... perfect for my upcoming holiday to argentina, which will now include reading the book "Bonfire of the brands".

"Happy Thursday! ;.) x"

It began even as I got on the bus this morning. A guy clutching a plastic bag containing a box with a white rose inside, frantically and repetitively pulling at the minuscule bag in a vain attempt to cover its contents. Nervous, excited, unsure as to the reception?

Throughout the day I saw people waltzing past the large windows fortunately located immediately adjacent to my desk. Some carrying perky, little hand-tieds, others with a single red rose and a rather unattractive bunch of what looked like dill(?!) and a variety of bouquets - some with red, some white, some pink roses, a number of lily based decorations, several tulips... Most looked like they were on the donating end of the story. Several paper bags with red roses emblazoned on the sides looked conspicuously as though they contained gifts of some sort

As I left the office, overwhelmed at the amount of florals parading by all day, I noticed a destinct change in the people carrying goods of a red/pink nature. One was carrying 3 very tired roses, and looking terrible tired and sad. Another was sharing teeny tiny cupcakes from a box with a red ribbon with her beloved, and as I approached my home a young girl carried a pale pink bouquet pulling 6-7 pink balloons after her, tumbling about in the cold winter air. Looking hopeful.

You can tell who's in a relationship that matters to them (noone would go to the pains of purchasing a pink/red gift on the 14th of Feb if they didn't mean it..)

From a sociological perspective it's an interesting day. The impact on my life, however, is rather more subtle. And in fact quite reassuring.

Spring has been poking about, tempting all of us to a smile at the white-blue sky and a layer less on our pale winter bodies. I'm liking it. Particularly when I look at it from the 9th floor flat that is my new home.

"Newsflash: Street sweepers enforcing art censorship on the streets of London"

On my way to work there's a little, black piece of graffiti on a wall, all the way by the ground. It's a little rat with a NY-cap on his head and a ghetto blaster on his shoulder. Mhm. It's a Banksy. He used to be kept company by several other pieces of graffiti, but since the street cleaners (you're not really a street sweeper if you have a powerful water blaster and toxic chemicals with you to clean up) came by a few weeks ago, he's been all on his lonesome. Weird, huh? They work on a tiny alley for 2 days, and coincidentally forget to remove a little black rat that was right next to some of the other stuff they got rid of.

I realise that his "works" are worth massive amounts of money, and that there are several online maps guiding people to see the "works of art", and that he is an enigma on the art scene, but tell me again - what right does mr. Banksy have to draw on someone's building that the next person doesn't? ..'cause I doubt he asked permission in advance, you know. One of the now removed graff's next to the rat made an appropriate comment: "Shit off - I'm proper Banksy!". I doubt he was talking to himself, as he wrote...

I appreciate the focus on street art that Banksy has helped to enforce - I've loved it for years on end. I just think it's questionable that established governing bodies because of someone's commercial success accepts, maintains and protects what is otherwise seen as a blight. It goes against the whole idea of street art - it's temporary, you see it or you don't, and the thoughts and insights that it leads to are as valuable as the original piece itself. I really appreciated the "Shit off" comment! What a great way to start your day. Yes I DO mean it.