The weather has changed

(Posted with a day's delay,I'm afraid)

Yesterday was cold - real cold. I have brought out my long, woollen sweaters, but am waiting a bit to unpack my winter coat. That would just be too much of a commitment..!

The last couple of days have been really exciting, even more than just the changing of the seasons, which in itself can be a thrilling ride of “oh no, it’s raining again” interspersed with those moments of clarity where you realise that you are part of something bigger, a system that keeps moving, no matter what goes on in your own little life.

Tuesday was challenging. I was preparing for my interview the day after (had to do a 10 minute presentation on what I can bring to the firm + several other tasks), and so actually had something to do. The rest of my course-mates were frantically completing their work on the exhibition that was to open at 6.30 that evening. I felt bad for not taking part in the preparations and had to keep reminding myself that what I was doing was equally important. I just really like to take part in common things like that. The exhibition was great, and all the hard work really paid off in the end. There were so many people there that one could hardly move – success! Most of the time I was just really happy for everybody, they were so happy to be done, and I genuinely smiled on the numerous photos being taken. At one point, however, I felt so alone. I was not done, did not have any relatives or friends there to see my work. I was not overjoyed to have completed the course, because I hadn’t! I wandered aimlessly around, taking in all the people looking in awe at the boards displayed, chattering away about how much work must go into the projects. My mind drifted to the interview the day after, but eventually I got to talking to some people again, which allowed me to enjoy the ret of my evening.

The day after I had my very first serious interview. I wasn’t sure how it had gone, but I did walk away with a positive feeling, yet I wasn’t entirely happy with my replies. I guess they were, since they called me today to offer me the job – starting Monday! I am terribly happy and confused at the same time. I have had no stable rhythm in my life all summer, and all of a sudden both basketball and a job commence simultaneously. I have been looking forward to this, but now I won’t have all that free time and be able to organise my days as I please. Part of growing up?

Have a list of about 25 points that I would like to have done before starting my job (!), it’ll be a busy weekend (and oh, the first basketball game is presumably on Saturday, too).

Wish me luck :.)

Job!!!

I got a job and I am thrilled! More later, going to basketball now..

fall has come

I was sitting in the park a few days ago when a small leaf landed on my bag. It is now an unavoidable fact: The seasons have turned, and what was a wet, confusing, painful, caring, tough, self-investigating summer is over. It is fall.

The new students have been arriving in the last couple of days, and it seems such a long and such a short while since we ourselves commenced this course. This evening my coursemates will be opening the exhibition of their work of the year. I will not have any work on show. It is odd, to have been a part of this group lke everyone else, and yet not to complete together with them. I chose it, and I accept my decision (and try my best to laud it, actually), but it is not easy at all times. Au contraire.

Tomorrow I have my first "real" job interview. Scary, thrilling and slightly disconcerting. There's a full programme of 2 hours (!) including me holding a 10-minute presentation on my skills, Q&A, showing project work examples and a written test. I think that it's really a lot! I just hope I get to walk out of that room with a good feeling's all.

Less than 45 minutes to the exhibition. Judging by how jittery I feel, they must be nervous wrecks.

Hopefully the new season will not just be an end to all that is known, but rather an opportunity to begin afresh and anew.

Rain also has its charms.

short update

Sometimes your life just keeps on moving, and from one day to the next suddenly major changes have taken place - and actually, you yourself might even have initiated and performed them. Walking away from my new flat, after having unloaded and carried up two loads of stuff, (helped by my Danish friend who is permanently anchored in London) I had this feeling...

I have been so busy lately (I know, I know, not the conventional way, but somehow all my days get filled up with all sorts of stuff). I have expanded on my "freelancing", and this now includes nannying a couple of Danish boys. The first time I looked after them one of them managed to kick a football onto my face, breaking my glasses. I have had them glued, but perhaps this is a sign from above/below (!) to get a new pair. Perhaps these? Have been looking lately.

Time has gone fast, this last year being extremely eventful in both good and bad ways. London is my home now, although I am struggling to get that homey feeling in the new flat. I've lived there since Saturday and haven't yet cooked - so unlike me!

I don't have internet at home, so I won't really be online so much the next while (unless I come in to uni, which I have been doing the last couple of days.. who said internet junkie?).

finally - a flat

Today I paid the deposit needed to secure my new residence in what's apparently a delightful place: Stoke Newington. I've only ever heard nice things about it, although some people have added a wry "..which the bourgeois upper-middle class people like" to the statement that there's a lovely organic farmer's market just around the corner. So far, I've seen tons of Turkish shops of all sorts (kiosks, fruits&vegs, cafées Turkish style, pizza places and kebab shops etc..). It's lively, which is nice.

My road is a nice residential road, not unlike the one I've lived on this last year. Ok, not AS nice, but it's the same lovely terraced houses, only with a higher percentage of unkempt and/or cemented front "gardens". Still, it has a nice feel to it, and I'm sure that I'll feel just fine coming home from baskebtall at night. The room is in a flat shared with one other, a Portuguese woman. It's about 3,5 squared, so there should be enough space for all my gear. We'll see.. I have, very slowly, begun thinking of and actually getting round to packing up my stuff. I have the room from tomorrow, so I can go there and get used to it, bringing some stuff there. I don't know if I'll fit all my things there, but, just for the record - YOU (as in: all my darling friends and family members contemplating visiting me!) are more than welcome to come and visit me, should you ever come to London! :.)

I'll throw on some pics when I've gone on recon one of these days.

london

a bustling dream, aspirations and disillusions, hopes and intimacy, feelings and detachedness. making it and making do, creating the real life, just surviving. london's solitude and cosyness, lonesomeness, fear, feeling content, yet wondering what might pop up around the corner - actually anticipating this disruption...

it's being part of an unruly disorganised group, it's being truly on your own. it's a dream come true coupled with feeling all lost. i love london.

this evening i hung out with two couples (one very dear, loved and well-known to me) who are both getting married within the next while. it's not really fair to call them just "couples", since they are four very sincere, caring and diverse people; they are not just part of a "thing". i was alright with being single in this situation, even though the one girl at one point chatted about me being alone and us not "being six at the table", eyeballing the empty chair next to me. No harm done. Not even when they started talking about what they were each doing for their honeymoon, what sort of dresses it would be acceptable to wear at the wedding... i mean, i understand all these concerns. what got me down was walking home alone. i got on the bus and all around me were more or less drunk people, either in couples or with that restlessly wandering eye (which god forbid i have, yet i fear i might), indicating a person in search of someone. and not just anyone, rather that someone needed for intimacy, be it corporeal or emotional.

for some reason, the pattern created by the light of a lamp post filtering through the crown of a tree, the silent hush of the residential streets, the smell of neatly planted flowers in a bourgois neighborhood... it all makes me feel all single and alone. as in, just me, all alone, no one else. it's ok, it's good, it's the way i want it. i like it. but it's tough, not having that someone at home, waiting, anticipating your return. for now the freedom of being just me makes up for that. even though i feel alone, walking home from a night out.