When was the last time you pampered yourself?

The other day, someone I know only remotely asked me a question. He wasn’t being rude, but my first reaction was to think so. But then I thought – it could be a very caring thing to say: “When was the last time you pampered yourself?”

Honestly I don’t remember. I have recently had a (long overdue) haircut, and a month and a half ago I used nail polish a couple of times, ‘incidentally’ coinciding with me starting my new job. I use makeup every day, and try to make good food and see friends at least once a week.

But that’s not pampering, now is it.

Perhaps this person unknowingly hit my current issues spot on; perhaps they are out there for all to see, standing out like a sore thumb. Either way, it is slightly disconcerting.

And even worse is the fact that I know it, yet am unable to change my ways. One of the most important things I have learned over the last year or so is that I need to allocate time for me. I find it so hard to say no to seeing friends or doing something cool or interesting and instead stay at home and do nothing.. well, not really nothing… laundry, reading, drawing, thesis work, cleaning.. doing nothing too, it has to be there, just lying down and thinking, resting, allowing my mind to fall to ease. This is what I need. Very weird. Or not. Ah, now I’m confusing myself.

So. Is taking time for myself equal to pampering me? Or are my life priorities totally screwed up? Maybe I need to REALLY pamper me, go to a spa, indulge in a whole weekend of myself, resisting the temptation to do stuff with others. Why do I find this so difficult?

Being happy on my own and the consequences this has on my future

What a title! I have been told that I think too much. My initial response was “I don’t think you can think too much”, which might pretty well sum op the issues for some… Actually, this last while has been very busy, and I feel that I haven’t had much time to simply reflect on what’s going on in my life. Rather, days seem to be dripping by, slowly, steadily, unstoppable, inevitable. I wont go into what has made my life so “busy”, I’m afraid it might just sound like everyone else’s and that’s not the point. So what is the point, the avid reader asks! I seam to have reached a stable level, a plateau if you wish, where my life is rolling, rolling, with out too much extraordinary effort on my part. Amazing how fast we land in a routine (set the clock for 7am, get up at 7.35 after snoozing 4 times, take the bus at 8.08, etc.), which allows us to just… keep going. I am fighting the urge to keep adding “new, exciting events” to my life, and am doing my very best to just go with the flow. It somehow goes against the grain of me, yet I know this is what I need. A period of easy (everyday) life (because life is never easy). A while where I can be just me, enjoying my own company and the random thoughts and musings that this brings about.

Which brings me back to the title of this post. I am 27, just turned a month and a bit ago. I am recovering from a powerful experience, which will stay with me for the next long while. I am happy on my own. I am hopeful for the future. So the question that has been nagging at my consciousness while on the bus/falling asleep/daydreaming while “illustrator-ing” is what I am to do. Obviously, I am now alone and fine about it. But, time is flying and if I take a long time to become ready to move on in my own mind again, I might not end up where I want to. I need to take a good, long think about what I actually want from this life. So, please don’t ask me to not think so much. I have to, in order to regain my sanity and look to the future. Plus, I wouldn’t be me if I weren’t concerned with all this stuff.

a time for caring

A lot of things have been going on lately, and I must say, I do not know how to react to a number of them. This year has been a tough one, and I fear it is not through being tough.

Friends are splitting up, couples the same, people are struck by terrible diseases, and some are dying from them. Words do not suffice. I wish I could be there for all of my dear friends and family who are going through rough times, but some times it is just not possible. I hope they know that even though we are not really in touch, I care massively and the pain they are going through touches me deeply.