And so it arrives, the time I've been asking for, dreading, expecting. Where I am no longer free to avail myself of all my time (apart from the fact that we of course all every day, every moment, choose what we do with our time) as I tomorrow will be back doing my internship. My massive influx of visitors is over (4 visits in 5 weekends) and it's back to being just me. I have this sense of fear of and soothing comfort from the well-known - fear that I'll settle into this easy thing of knowing what I'm going to do all the time - comfort in exactly the same.
I'm an animal of habit that loathes habit. It makes life easier, but I always tend to feel that I loose something in it. Spontaneity, passion, living every day instead of just passing through it. Maybe it's a case of ensuring that you care about what you do (but isn't that difficult with boring database work?), so that you retain a freshness and newness? Maybe I need to accept that if I ever want to get anywhere's near the freedom to roam life day by day I'll have to learn how to manage myself and my time, and I'll probably have to learn that in a way I don't find extremely inspiring. Hence the day-to-day menial tasks.
So if I'm an animal of habit that loathes habit does that then mean that I loathe myself? I think it means I need to construe some sort of life that'll allow me to have a norm that I generally follow, but also the opportunity to shake it up and go on adventures in my everyday life and work.
How do you guys deal with this? Does it ever get boring? Any thoughts are welcome!
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3 comments:
the answer is to be your own boss. everyday will be an adventure i assure you, what with the big decisions you'll have to make, determining the direction of the studio and creating and grabbing opportunities.
and you can always assign those menial tasks to that intern who just joined the studio =D
Habit can be broken by challenging yourself in numerous aesthetic, or sensual ways. Trying new experience doesn't have to be a great adventure. Curiousity can be sated by small discoveries too, subtle challenges can be equally rewarding.
You are alone in a great metropolis. Revel in your festival of self, for when you find this time has passed, and it will pass as do all things, c'est la vie, you may look back on it with nostalgia.
Every day, however monotone it may seem, is a gift.
Monotony is only a product of an indifferent mind and you have an inquisitive mind I find.
Hey guys,
Thanks for your thoughts.
Nurul, be your own boss.. hmm. I wonder if that means literally that or if one can have a 'job' and still be one's own boss? I do like the idea of menial tasks for interns, muahaha! Nah not really. I'm an intern at the moment.
Moif, thanks for reminding me of the beauty of small discoveries. I seem to have been caught up in all these big issues in my life and for me, and forgetting that small seemingly boring things hold value too. Besides, I think it was simply my impatient side that was screaming out in this post, something that is not entirely fair, seeing as getting an internship is a big step in the process I've been through lately.
Re: to festival of self (nice title). I am enjoying this moment to explore and understand myself better. It is amazing what I have learnt over the last months, and years, and I am not through yet. I hope to build a strong base from which to continue to explore myself and the world. Yes I am curious :.)
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